My first ex boyfriend and I had strong Saturn aspects in our synastry chart. It made total sense, given the fact that Saturn was transiting my 7th house at the time. More specifically, my Saturn was conjunct his Sun in Scorpio. My most recent ex had his Sun in Aquarius square my Saturn in Scorpio. Incidentally, he had Saturn transiting his 7th house when we were together.
Sun-Saturn aspects in synastry are apparently very common aspects to find in the synastry charts of married couples and long-term partners. Indeed, my relationships with those two lasted quite a few years, but it wasn’t without difficulty.
As the Saturn person, I felt both insecure and committed to each of them. Each one of them brought out many of my insecurities. Just by being themselves and expressing their individuality, my fears of rejection and getting hurt surfaced. In response, I criticized them and judged them harshly. I wanted to dominate them, control them, and stomp on their fun. I didn’t want them to “grow”, because I was too afraid they would grow apart from me.
Another reason I was so critical of these two guys was because I genuinely felt their ideas, feelings, and beliefs were incredibly stupid. Sounds harsh, I know, but some of their opinions and beliefs simply pissed me off. Instead of calmly voicing my own opinions, I insulted theirs. This, in turn, discouraged them greatly, but I felt I was doing them a favor. When I look back, I know I was a bit too harsh with them, but I felt (and STILL feel) they were childish and needed a good reality check.
The Sun-Saturn energy in synastry is much like the energy between a parent and child. In those two relationships, I felt that I was scolding my misbehaving children.
I was already into astrology when I met the Aquarius guy, so I knew this energy would manifest in our relationship somehow. I tried my best to keep my Saturnian energy in check, but when it came down to it, I simply couldn’t help but criticize him. Trust me- I tried.
I recently came out of a relationship that had a Moon-Saturn opposition double-whammy. By “double-whammy”, I mean his Moon opposed my Saturn and his Saturn opposed my Moon. How does this aspect play out between two people, you may ask? Let me tell you.
The way it manifested in my relationship was through major emotional distancing. Him and I would do anything to avoid talking about our feelings. Even when problems arose which made either one of us feel angry, annoyed, jealous, or frustrated, we would not, and COULD not, voice our feelings to one another. I felt that if I told him how I felt, he would reject me, and he felt the same way. Even though I knew he had true feelings for me, self-doubt and fear of rejection would take over, and I’d end up keeping my feelings to myself. The same went for affection; affection did not flow easily between us due to deep-seated fears of rejection, which was ultimately frustrating for both parties. Also, neither of us ever felt we could express our playful, romantic sides around one another; I felt he would not approve of any kind of childishness from me, so I kept my mouth shut.
On the positive side, this relationship is particular was my longest. I think one of the things that made us last so long was the desire to find out what the other person felt. The emotional distancing both frustrated and intrigued me. I wanted to know what was in his heart, and he was dying to know how I felt. We both hung in there, hoping that one day, one of us would say how we truly felt about one another. After a while, we learned to express our feelings to one another, but only in small segments. We were both careful to never uncover “too much” about the way we felt for one another.
Hard aspects (conjunction, square, opposition) from one person’s Mercury to another person’s Saturn indicates a deep respect for each other’s thinking processes and communication. However, it may feel as though there is a communication barrier between the two of you. Saturn has a way of making Mercury feel as though she is not as intelligent or bright as the Saturn person. Saturn might “shut down” the ideas and opinions of the Mercury person through criticism and belittling, which can have a negative effect on the Mercury person’s self-confidence. Indeed, Mercury might feel self-conscious and awkward when expressing herself to the Saturn person. Saturn may tend to ignore, interrupt, or criticize Mercury when Mercury is speaking. Saturn might be silent often. Conversations are serious, and words do not flow easily.
In one of my previous relationships, my Mercury squared his Saturn. Mercury rules my 7th house, so communication is very important to me when it comes to relationships. I felt he belittled my opinions and ideas to the point of condescension. He was also much older than me, so he seemed even more patronizing. I definitely felt self-conscious when expressing my ideas to him; I was afraid he would think I was “stupid.”
The harmonious aspects (sextile, trine) between Mercury and Saturn are much easier to handle. The Saturn person gives structure to the Mercury person’s ideas. Saturn also gives practical advice to Mercury, and listens and guides the Mercury person. Mercury looks up to Saturn, and Saturn enjoys helping the Mercury person. Through Saturn, Mercury learns how to communicate in a more mature and level-headed way.
My longest relationship featured a tight Saturn square Venus aspect in synastry, wherein I was the Venus person.
This is often known as the “unrequited love” aspect. Why? Saturn represents blockages and restrictions, which can manifest in many forms. Sometimes, the blockages come from external forces. Saturn rules tradition, so couples with this synastry aspect sometimes face opposition from either person’s family. In my case, I was of a different cultural background than my partner. His parents were very traditional and strict, and would have never have approved of our union. Other external restrictions can include a mismatch in terms of age, social status, cultural background, or distance. Either way, there’s usually something in the way of you being together.
Another way in which this manifested was through a withdrawal of affection. I never felt quite comfortable cuddling him, telling him I loved him, or making baby talk with him due to my fear that he would reject that kind of behavior. I censored my feelings of affection for him, and he did the same. He acted somewhat “fatherly” towards me, and I didn’t want to risk his disapproval. Though he never explicitly told me he didn’t want me to go out and have fun with my friends, he would often try to interfere with my plans if he knew I was going out.
This is a very negative aspect to share with someone in synastry.
With this aspect, it seems that no matter what the Mars person does, the Saturn person is bothered. Nothing is ever “good enough” for Saturn. The Saturn person usually sees the Mars person as childish and irresponsible. The Mars person’s energy is the sort that makes the Saturn person very uncomfortable. More specifically, the Mars person’s self-confidence and assertiveness brings out Saturn’s insecurities, and in response, the Saturn person attempts to restrict and limit the Mars person’s actions by telling Mars what to do. Saturn may resort to constantly tearing the Mars person down through criticism and psychological abuse.
It is common for Mars to feel Saturn is condescending and treats Mars like a child. Mars may become angry with this and lash out at the Saturn person. The cycle of criticism and conflict can soon become a vicious cycle. This aspect lends itself to verbally abusive relationships, and can even escalate into physical aggression.
Since Mars is the planet of sex and physical energy, this aspect can also manifest into sexual problems for the couple. Saturn may find the sex disappointed, and Mars may sense this, and lose their sexual confidence. This is an aspect often found in the synastry charts of sexless marriages.